Mighty Mums & Dads

08/01/2022

My boy has turned 4 years old and its the time he is often telling you every single thing he observe, be it in school or out in the mall. It is also the time he seek your attention and time. I am grateful that I have been spending quality time with him and listening to what he has to say.

In the past, my child was very attached to the helper. However, as I put in effort and time to nurture his interests and build his skills, he is now able to enjoy spending time with me.

As I continue on this parenting journey, i came to realise that fostering a good and respectful relationship with my child should start as soon as possible, not when it is convenient for me. Similarly, i encourage all parents to engage and foster a respectful and good relationship with your little ones as much as you can! :)

07/12/2021

Whenever your child 'meltdown' or throw tantrum randomly, as parent, how can we best discipline our children to show that we are teaching him?

There are typically two approaches to discipline our children
- Time out
- Stand and think

Key differences between 'time out' and 'stand and think'

1. 'Time out' simply means sending your child to their room, usually for about five minutes to cool off. It also give parents time to cool off too.

2. 'Time out' is a coping strategy and useful to almost everyone at times. I apply it with my toddler when I am hot and bothered. I need some peace for a few minutes.

3. 'Stand and think' is quicker. When the child is in the corner in the same room with you, you are able to see straight away when they have finished thinking about their behaviour. It encourages rapid resolution.

4. 'Stand and think' is not a punishment. It's a thinking and teaching time. It doesn't create resentment. The child can end the process by cooperating at any time and so is usually out within a minute or two.

28/11/2021

Important! Read this to know why your child is having a meltdown. 5 stages from normal behaviour to triggering a tantrum and gradually calm down.

1) Normal Stage - Before Triggers Happen
- Perform usual routines like sleeping, eating, bathing at consistent times.
- Give clear and specific instructions.
- Engage and enjoy the time spent together.

2) Escalation Stage - Parents should try to de-escalate
- Keep calm and take deep breaths: kids can sense when you are angry.
- Reduce or talk in a soft voice.
- Check in with your child on his/her emotions and why he/she feels a certain emotion.
- Assure the child that his emotions are important and teach emotional regulation.

3) Dysregulation zone - child is in a frozen state of emotion
- Ensure safety boundaries especially when child starts to hurt himself, throws things or hits others.
- Be available to help your child regain their regulation.
- Avoid scolding or lecturing. Give child space if he/she prefers it.

4) Calming down
- If child manages to de-escalate on his/her own, allow him/her to do so. Please do not intervene.
- Ask if they need assurance like a hug to feel better.

5) Back to normal
- Circle back to the incident at a later time.
- Reconnect and repair the relationship.
- Teach coping skills when child is having a difficult time.
- Do activities together.

22/11/2021

When we see our child gets embarrassed, it's important not to blow it off as “no big deal.”

Embarrassment might feel like a huge deal to them.

Help your child learn how to handle embarrassment and keep their cool.

Speaking with self-compassion in front of your child is a vital part of teaching them about resilience.

They will see that embarrassment is passing discomfort—it doesn’t have to be humiliating—it’s just a type of mindset work that gets easier with practice.

Here are five phrases which your child can adopt to overcome embarrassment

1. I will do better next time
I will get better with practice. Its just a matter of time that I will improve.

2. Good thing no one is perfect
Everyone makes mistakes and gets embarrassed sometimes.

3. That was rough. I am fine though.
Feeling embarrassed is uncomfortable. This feeling wont last forever.

4. Looks like I am having an off day!
Some days are easier than others. The hard days are a chance to learn and grow.

5. It dun hurt me. I will learn from mistake made.
Mistakes are unavoidable. Need to embrace it and learn from it.

19/11/2021

Will you bring your child aged 5 to 11 years old for vaccination trial?

This news has been the talking point among parents this week. I had spoken to my colleagues, friends whom are parents to child between 5 to 11 years old. There are two school of thoughts:
1. One group of parents are in favour of bringing their child for the vaccination trials quickly as a form of protection against COVID-19.
2. The other group of parents will adopt the wait and see approach.
Interestingly, there are more parents whom I surveyed will adopt the wait and see approach. They shared that they are being cautious as there are unknown side effects for the younger children in this age group.

What is your stand? Would you bring your child whom falls in this age group for the vaccination trial?

It is conducting a research study to assess how children here respond to the Pfizer vaccine.. Read more at straitstimes.com.

16/11/2021

Going back to work or stay at home? Dilemma?

From the surveys conducted, 60% of employed mothers express they will take unpaid leave or quit their jobs when their child was born. However, it is not always the case from what they had shared earlier.
These are the main reasons why mothers return back to work

1. Real financial need
Many families need both parents to be employed to survive. Many single mothers, too, need to work to provide adequately for their child. For parents, childcare is a necessity of life.

2. Perceived financial need
Many couples feel that they need to work but on closer examination this is based on a desire for a relatively high standard of living. As couples marry later and have children later, perhaps they have grown used to a high disposable income. A few decades ago, forgo the high paying job was a normal part of life with young children and less of a concern. Our media images and expectations, and a competitive kind of society, means that standard of income are much higher than actually required.

3. Circle of influence
Many mothers feel they 'should' go to work, to connect with colleagues and friends during social gatherings. They feel somehow defective if they just want to raise children. Feminism has been ambiguous about motherhood and the nurture of children has been devalued as a result.

4. Enjoyment of career
Some mothers finds their careers rewarding and fulfilling as compared to staying at home looking after their children. Sometimes, the father is more interested in full-time parenting, hence, they reverse roles. To be honest, this is a rare sight. At other times, neither parent are keen on being with children and children are regarded as low priorities in their lives.

What is your reason for returning to work? Or you will choose to forgo your job to raise your child?

14/11/2021

Softlove? Firmlove? What do these loves mean?
Let's find out...
Parents need to have two core qualities, softlove and firmlove in raising their child.
Softlove is the ability to be relaxed, warm and affectionate. It simply stop your brain from thinking about other things, trust your instincts and always there for your child. As long as you are in your natural self, your lovingness will appear and the child can feel it.
Firmlove, on the other equation is the ability to be kind but firm with kids - to set boundaries for child, without getting angry, weak or giving in. It is the strength with a loving intention as opposed to being cold and hard. Parents with firm love are willing to be tough with their kids because they know this will help them to have a happier life.
I am a father with softlove while my wife presents firmlove to our son.
How about you? Which one represents you in loving your child?

03/11/2021

I am a father to a three year old son and I stick to my parenting principles - CARE

1. Communicate
Communication is inevitably the most important mode in our parenting. Be it action or words, it is a form of communication to our child since they are born. Children pick up things fast and will copy our actions as they do not understand the meaning behind it. Their brain is like a 'sponge' which absorbs almost everything, especially visuals. Hence, as parents, we need to be the role models to communicate well with our child in which they are on the right track.

2. Always show appreciation
It is important to express our appreciation to our child when they did something for us. Like adults, child also wants to feel appreciated for their efforts. I remember vividly an incident that my wife has to work overtime for an urgent meeting. Its already past 7pm and our son knows his mother's schedule that she will be back home before 7pm. Knowing its late, he poked me while I am lying at the sofa, saying, "Go and pick mummy!" I am thinking, "What! I just came back from work." Reluctantly, I still follow what he say and drove with him to pick up my wife. There was a heavy downpour and the mother had forgotten the umbrella. To her surprise, we came and picked her up. I told her that our son insisted to pick you up. Being emotional, the mum just hugged and kissed him and teared at the same time. She appreciate the little gesture from our son in showing concern.

3. Recognizing their efforts
Always praise and show encouragement to the things which they do. Be it success or failure in their attempts, parents' words or actions matter a lot to the child. So remember to say positive things to them!

4. Empathy listening
Every child just like adult needs to voice out their problems or they like to complain. Listen to them and affirm their problems in helping them to tackle it. They will feel appreciated as well. This deepens the relationship and bonding.

Embracing parenthood is every parent's duty to raise their child, giving unconditional love and watching them achieve every milestone in life. Its a daily learning and experience in every parent's building relationship with their child. Indeed, its a fulfilling and joyful journey when we watch them grow as the years passed.