01/21/2020
still all so surreal. Shouldve been stronger for you. I know youd tell me I kept you around longer .. i knew what i was fighting. What you were fighting. I let my emotions control me again ... wed come out of too many unbelievable situations on the other side before i figured i had to say no for once to help you ... truth is you burned me unintentionally and i pushed you back out to sea like a little boy. My intentions dont matter. Youd argue that even now but I shouldve been more aware these last few months. I wanted us to do what we always said we were gunna do. Well. Now i have no choice. And i can really go in cause whats left to fear if i lost you. My lightgirl. I promise not to see you again until its time. But i won't lie like im not looking forward to it. And regardless of if there is anything after this life, ill do whats right and i know youll be with me every step of the way. Already pullin strings in the past few days. Makes it more and less surreal at the same time ... memories keep piling up, times i forgot that most people would probably trade a lot to experience. We were never perfect but from 11 to 31 we embraced it together and not only accepted it in each other but sorta thrived off it. I proposed to you on your birthday thinking wed be best friends and business partners. We were so past being romantic with each other. Didnt expect it to be like that when i put the ring on your finger ... but before you moved in the next day we both knew it. Everything that didnt add up for 31 years made so much sense. Like the way nothing does now. Aside from the mission. What we were gunna do. What i have no choice now but to do on my own. And i know im not alone. But you know what i mean. Earth without you is still only half of the world to me. But i will win. For us. #🤟🏼 i love you.
