05/22/2026
Nah because somebody definitely treated the Target parking lot like a Fast & Furious side mission and honestly the skid marks are taking me out. I pulled up thinking there was some massive accident and instead there’s shopping carts flipped over, protein shakes exploded everywhere, police tape around the whole thing, and one exhausted Target manager pointing around like she’s briefing detectives after a national disaster.
People in my town acting like this was domestic terrorism because a couple carts got sacrificed after midnight. Meanwhile I’m standing there wondering why everybody suddenly becomes morally superior over parking lot nonsense. The store is insured, the carts survived worse, and half the people clutching their pearls probably used carts as scooters growing up.
What killed me was the officer crouching down taking photos of tire marks like they were solving a homicide. Brother… somebody did donuts around a Mountain Dew display and dipped. Let’s calm down. I’m not saying it was smart, but the way everybody’s reacting makes it sound like the carts held elected office.
And honestly the person driving had commitment because those circles were CLEAN. You don’t accidentally create a whole racetrack around bulk toilet paper. Somebody out there looked at abandoned shopping carts and said “watch this” with full confidence.
