https://tanyastanborough.myshopify.com/

Cross & Shadow, Lismore (2026)

10/09/2024

18 million in the world have BPD-
dr phil mcgraw

10/09/2024

"The Borderline seems to be able to strategize
and to abstract, but not to be able to implement". Jordan Peterson

27/05/2024

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30/12/2022

Just feeling very lonely. Love my husband and kids but need friends who can visit (love ya , ya a bit far away and been a busy lady 🌸). I’m feeling lost and alone….

10/12/2022

with .repost
・・・
Yesterday's post on the 'Good Guy Abuser' stirred up a lot for many. Also it raised the question: 'how about female abuse?' So I decided to post on what common female abuse looks like.

I’m posting on both genders separately because they look a bit different. The signs are only abuse when the underlying intention is to control, demean or punish. People will abuse often to regain an inner sense of control when lacking Inner Security and emotional empathy and when they may feel entitled.

It's important to identify the signs, especially for men who might tend to deny the abuse more than women due to taboo/ shame/ .. It's important to identify when it might be happening in order to Self- protect (self-esteem, self- trust, freedom, etc).

An abused man can be:
· Afraid to tell anyone
· Depressed or humiliated
· Afraid he has failed as a lover and partner
· Guilty about leaving her or scared of coping alone
· Furious she could do or say the things she did
· Confused because sometimes she acts loving & kind
· Frustrated and sad because he has tried everything
· Afraid of continued abuse if he leaves
· Panicked he may lose his male identity if people know what has been going on
· Worried about his financial security
· Believes he deserved it

When a (fe)male abuser:
it’s good to remember that by abusing someone we actually are abusing ourselves. It ‘kills’ our spirit since it’s unnatural to hurt others. We’re worth finding out when our need for control developed, since this kills the possibility for us to (receive) love (= vulnerability).
We heal by going to that inner wounded space (within a safe attachment) and process, re-evaluate our sense of entitlement (we’re often not aware of), learn to regulate our emotions and how to get our needs met in a way that will leave us fulfilled + connected (control =)