26/03/2024
Hello, Iām here. Iāve been silenced the past month by the passing of my beautiful mom at the end of February.
I am struggling, there is no denying it, and it is a very difficult thing to put into words. My head is swirling with thoughts and feelings all day every day and this morning I thought I better just start to share again. It might do me some good, and so thank you if you are reading this, if I havenāt totally disappeared from everyoneās feed.
As I was leaving Australia, I didnāt think I was going to have any time with her. But when I got to the hospital, she was there and I was so relieved. I was happy. I spent a couple of days with her, with hope, with so much love and joy, and that time was a gift. One of the best gifts Iāve ever been given in my whole life was that Thursday and Friday.
It was on the Saturday morning that everything changed. That day changed me. Iām still trying to figure out who walked out of that hospital room at the end of that day because it wasnāt me. Something is gone, there is loneliness and emptiness now where her unconditional love sat within me, the constant force of a motherās love that I now know so well. That day plays over and over in my head as I try and make sense of it, it feels like I might even still be there, holding her hand. In my head I hear her voice so clearly that maybe all of this isnāt even real.
What helps is spending extra time with Robbie and the kids. I find the innocence of my kids especially comforting; they donāt know what death is. The kids share a room and Iāve been sleeping in there lately; perhaps the best medicine is lying in there at night, just listening to the soothing harmony of their perfect little breaths.
Thatās all for now, but a big huge thank you for the comments on my last post and for those who have asked about me. Work continues, work is my happy place and my garden and shop have been ticking along, orders are most welcome, unfortunately it is just the sharing of it all that is lacking right now.
More soon and lots of love,
Elizabeth xo