07/06/2021
My sweet boy turned 7 today, which means that I've officially been a mama for 7 years! I don't know about you ladies, but I'm always super emotional on my kids' birthdays and I replay the day that they were born, in my mind. Claudio's birthday is a complicated one for me because it's filled with memories of a very scary day. Ones where I came way too close to losing my precious boy.
My journey into motherhood was traumatic and the first year was nothing like I had expected. Looking back, I can see that there were a few factors that led to this. An untreated anxiety disorder and a colicky baby definitely played a role, but the expectations that I had set for myself and my baby were equally to blame.
Before Claudio was born I assumed that, if I prepared and worked hard, then I could steer my motherhood journey like I had successfully done with other roles. That I would be a total 'natural' and things would happen by the book (type A personality over here 🙋🏻♀️). But then everything went sideways in the delivery room and from there I could never seem to get my footing.
Learning to adjust my expectations has been a long, challenging process. So has giving up my need for control and replacing it with grace. But as difficult as it has been, it's also been incredibly freeing and has resulted in so much joy along the way. I still catch myself doing these things on occasion, as old habits die hard, but time and experience (and the right meds) have worked wonders.
If you're a new mama and things aren't going the way you hoped, trust that you're not alone. Your body miraculously made another person, and that tiny human has a mind of its own. Neither of you have any experience doing this, so it's normal if it seems really hard. I promise that it gets easier (and your baby will learn to sleep), but in the meantime, do yourself a favour: ask for help and be gentle on yourself, mama. You have been reborn too 💕.
