08/29/2026
Don't take someone's season of struggle and attribute it to their morals, values, and character.
If you've known someone to be one way for quite some time and they act uncharacteristically after a traumatic life event, it's likely you're watching someone try to survive something that changed their world.
And I think we need to give people a little more grace for that.
Sometimes people don't respond to heartbreak, grief, trauma, betrayal, or loss the way we thought they would.
Sometimes they don't respond the way they thought they would.
They might disappear. Become angry when you've always known them to be gentle. Stop showing up. Reach for comfort in places they normally wouldn't. Make decisions that don't make sense. Say things they regret.
And you might find yourself wondering, Who is this person?
But please, remember who they were before everything fell apart.
Remember the years you knew them before you knew them in survival mode.
Sometimes pain gets so loud that, for a little while, people lose access to parts of themselves they spent years building.
That doesn't mean we excuse everything. Hurt still matters. Accountability still matters.
But we don't have to turn someone's hardest chapter into a character assessment.
Sometimes a person isn't showing you "who they really are."
Sometimes they're showing you just how badly they're hurting.
People are more than the things they did when they were hurting. More than the months they barely recognized themselves. More than the coping mechanisms they aren't proud of. More than the season they wish they could rewrite.
People can heal. People can find their way back to themselves.
And sometimes, when someone is walking through the darkest season of their life, they don't need another person deciding who they are.
They need someone who remembers.
"I've known you longer than I've known this version of your pain. And I still know who you are."
Sometimes, that's enough to help someone remember too.
💙🫶🏻
