04/05/2021
For all the amazing photos I have of our early days together none truly show how hard I found becoming a new Mumma to be. Postnatal depression, anxiety, sleep deprivation, no family or old friends near by and just the shear bloody scaryness of becoming a new mum. I thought waiting till 36 it would be easier but hell it never is, no matter your age we all have our hurdles.
Mine way margots weight and that breastfeeding feeds this fear as you never know what they are having. I was obsessed.
I was most definitely a “swan Mumma” happy, positive, know it all and going everywhere doing everything. Inside I was finding it so hard to bond with Margo ( which I feel shame for I don’t know why but I do) and when I look back on the photos of the first year I feel guilt.
guilt for not loving it & guilt for not just relaxing. I’m sure Margot never knew and I really hope I did hide it well. I can finally say I know what they say “that you didn’t know what love until you become a Mumma” but for months that question filled me with fear!
It’s fu***ng hard, so scary, bone achingly lonely but please believe me when I say it does get better. Eat cake, drink coffee even a small wine and eat all the bloody soft cheese coz god damn mummas you deserve it.
I still want to high five every mum I see yup im THAT crazy lady ###x
