19/02/2026
💔💔The Grief: Married ➡️ Single via Mambo 💔💔⚰️⚰️
There is a quiet grief that many single women carry, that I carried, that I KNOW many women carry! A grief that rarely gets acknowledged because it doesn’t always come with a funeral.It’s the grief of a marriage that ended, a relationship that collapsed, a love that died prematurely, before its sale by date, which is life!
Or the grief of marriage that never came. When you reach that “age,” and you look like the lost sheep.You know when you get to a certain “age” in my culture and you are single it doesn’t matter why (for instance I was in University and that was my priority) by the time I got married at 25 most of my peers had children! I felt I was late and maybe that pressure clouded my choice. It was my choice to get married to the person that I did. At that time it was a great choice!
Let’s continue with grief! The grief of watching a dream dissolve while the world keeps moving as if nothing sacred was lost.For many women, especially in cultures where marriage is treated as both milestone and measure of worth, the loss is layered. It is not just the absence of a partner. It is the loss of identity , “wife.” Sitting in the madam’s seat, being referred to as Mrs!! What a crown!! A crown made of ice, that melts in the summer!!
It is the shift in how rooms receive you. The subtle questions. The pity disguised as concern. The silence that follows when introductions are made and you stand alone.In some communities, single status becomes a quiet indictment. As if your life must be explained. As if strength were a consolation prize. As if your resilience were chosen rather than forged in fire. I remember when some of my friends got married they stopped talking to me, then I got married they became my friends again, then I got back to square single 😅😅😅Friends!! You know yourselves. Then the questions, wakaiteyi murume, kushinga hina isu tichirimo, musha mukadzi! (what did you do to your husband, you are not brave, the woman holds the home, if it fails it means you have failed!!)
Processing all this with a smile, there is a deeper grief! Behind closed doors, the real battle rages. It is the mother stretching a grocery budget until it screams. Yearning for support that never reaches!!The woman calculating bills at midnight.The mental load of remembering every appointment, every permission slip, every fever, every fear.Hospital nights alone with the sick child, the despair! Grieving your life as you live!!
The exhaustion of being the only adult in the room,every day.There is no one to split the emotional labor with. No one to say, “I’ve got this tonight.” No one to absorb half the anxiety when the rent is due or the car makes a new sound. Or the threats of eviction trickle and the reminders for court hearings for outstanding council taxes! Or the CCJs piling because of inability to respond to a parking ticket on line due to mental exhaustion due to the other tasks!
Single motherhood on a shoestring budget is not just financial strain it is psychological endurance. It is carrying the weight of two roles while being told you are somehow “less than.”And still , I show up.
I shave my hair in the morning.
I cheer at school events.
I go without so my children can have.
I swallow my tears so they can feel safe.
My grief is real.Ask my hairline!
My loneliness is real. I miss company!My fatigue is real.
But so is MY power.
I am not culturally inadequate
I am not socially deficient.
I am not a cautionary tale.
I am a woman who loved.
A woman who tried.
A woman who survived what could have broken her.
And perhaps the most powerful truth of all,I am is not half of something missing.
I am whole , I have healed and I am healing through others!
But most importantly, I am defined through the eyes of my creator, wonderfully and beautifully made!
The word is clear!!
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25
Zuwa Re Mental H Hut
