10/10/2022
Looking at this, I’m curious what many see. A smile? A suit? Contentment?
What we show the outside can be completely at odds, or opposed to what is apparent / true on the inside.
There was no other photo I could choosen as this is the only photo I have of a “smile” by myself since 2020. The world has changed, so much has happened/ affected so many. But are those thoughts, feelings or state of mind shown? Rarely. It’s easier to just keep going, to just clamp it down, swallow it - after all“boys don’t cry”. Just keep pushing on, keep busy, drink, or pass the time.
But it isn’t just the brave face. Sometimes you’re distant, not trust people, not feel yourself, isolated, alone, your own mind against you. How are you ever meant to push ahead if your own thoughts tell you the worst?
People live with this every day and it’s rarely seen - after all, mental health isn’t obvious. How can you see into someone’s mind? It’s debilitating, numbing, isolating & constant. There is no escape - it remains every moment, every second and every thought. It’s persistent, and in-escapable.
But it is ok. You aren’t the only person to feel like this - though everything screams that you are.
It can come from anywhere - people talking to you like s**t, being used, being dumped, alone, feeling like you’re a tool, not feeling important or valued. People can be selfish, laugh in cliques, pretend or think they’re better, and take it out on those they see as easy targets. Sometimes this can be those already vulnerable or suffering. Sometimes people are just narcissistic, selfish or immature.
But those actions expands and overtakes in so many ways - isolation, walls, thoughts, alcohol. You don’t want talk, see anyone, or trust anyone.
But it isn’t ever too late, or too late to reach out to someone who’s suffering.
Look out for someone who’s quiet, alone, or not themselves. It may mean the world, and it may save a life.
But if you’re there, and don’t think there’s a light? Well it may not be obvious right now, but it can be: you’ve made it this far. Because in the end if it isn’t ok? It isn’t the end.
You can do this.