30/09/2021
This week is mental health awareness week. I was set to deliver a speech to a high school around the importance of destigmatising and standing up to mental health in Aotearoa. Something that is freaky as heck, and very out of my comfort zone; but it’s through the stories of other struggles that I had hope to get through my tough days.
To the outside world, I was a young, happy, bright, bubbly girl. Studying towards her dream job, in a beautiful city- life couldn’t get any better. The media I uploaded to my socials absolutely portrayed this amazing life. However, this was actually far from the reality I was living. The past 4 years have been a steep learning curve, as I grew into adulthood. Facing a s**t ton of challenges & trauma that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I found myself in a big, deep, dark hole.
I had lost myself.
Naïve. The best word I use to explain the beginning of my journey with mental health struggles. And, you know what; I think it’s probably the best word to explain the perception majority of kiwis have towards mental health. My family & I will be first to admit, we just didn’t really get it. So, when I was in this big, deep, dark hole; I didn’t even realise.
Sure, life is tough. But I tell you what, life with mental health struggles is bloody tough.
I questioned my existence most days.
I told myself I was ‘just a piece of s**t’. An unlovable piece of s**t, at that.
I made myself believe that within every room I entered, nobody wanted me there.
I had no social life, I just cut myself off from everyone. Not one of my closest, longest friends knew the struggles I was going through because of the happy front I posed.
I didn’t know what was going on, let alone how to deal with it.
The best thing I ever did was stand up and admit, I wasn’t okay. Growth has been something my counselor and I have tackled over time. I won’t ever be the old, carefree me. Living with the reality of depression and anxiety is something I have grown to accept. Grown to learn how to cope with. Grown to learn to love this new me.
Sure, I still have rough patches; but that’s life and I’m learning to navigate it. It’s totally ok for me to not feel ok; it’s on those days I need to own it. Reach out to those who have gotten me through the past years. Speak up about my struggles, because I now know there’s a s**t ton of people that do care and love me.
That’s the thing with mental health, some people can’t bring themselves to reach out. And I totally get it. The biggest and hardest step in my journey was accepting I wasn’t ok and I needed help. It bloody terrifies me how easily mental health struggles go unnoticed.
A posed picture doesn’t tell a story. Don’t assume that social media portrays someone for who they are.
I will be the first to admit, mine didn’t. And it almost cost a life because nobody knew.
It’s no news that New Zealand have the worst youth su***de in the OECD. Those aged 15-24 years old at most at risk of taking their lives- majority of my close friends fall within this age bracket. Once again, terrifying. The thought of losing another close loved one to the ‘black dog’ is just terrifying. My door (or inbox) is ALWAYS open & chances are majority of your other friend’s inbox’s are too. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that; please reach out to one of our lifesaving helplines:
Need to talk? 1737, free call or text anytime for support from a trained counsellor
Lifeline- 0800 543 354 or free text 4357 (HELP)
Su***de Crisis Helpline- 0508 828 865
When people ask me how they can help- it’s simple. CHECK IN!!!!! Send the message you’ve been meaning to, make that call, organise that catch up, because you just never know. You might save your mates life.
