10/27/2026
**OFFICIAL NOTICE**
The Department of Unauthorized Recreation regrets to inform PFC Snuffy that his request for emergency saltwater exposure has been disapproved.
Command has determined there is no operational requirement for happiness.
Effective immediately, White Monsters and Zyn will be placed on strict rationing for the next 90 days. Violations will result in mandatory fun and additional duty.
All personnel are reminded that morale is a privilege, not an entitlement.
Further requests for unauthorized fun will be dealt with accordingly.