01/28/2021
➖ ONE YEAR AGO ➖
This was my *first* time being alone with both of my kids... like real alone. Andrew wasn’t pooping, or sleeping... he was at work... and I was really on my own.
Having them both cry at the same time was TOUGH! But trying to decide who should get my attention first was tougher... because, well, they are both my babies.
Truthfully, up until this point I never had to decide who to support first. Andrew was home, and I could ask him to hang with one while I snuggled, boogie wiped and talked with the other.
Now that I’m reflecting on my journey as a mom, I know that these moments are hard. I know in that moment, my heart was hurting, my mind was racing and my anxiety started to take hold.
But once those moments are over, they almost get erased from your mind. Like writing in the sand at the beach. Over time, you forget the moments- the actual words written- and you just feel the waves of your life that have come and gone.
I am a different mama now. Heck, I cook dinner while hanging with both of my kids... one in the carrier holding onto a whisk, and the other adding “secret ingredients” and mixing them in a bowl. I’m confident in myself as mama. I know I’ve got this, and them!
But hey, and this is me being REAL, I still get anxious when making those momentary decisions. And I still wake up * wayyyyy too early * thinking about silly things like if I should switch the car seats around, or if I should be bringing them outside to play more.
I know these are the letters in the sand that will inevitably wash away over time. My hope, my wish, is that they remember these waves of life... and that they think of them fondly, just as I do 🤍