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Design by Design, 213 E. Walnut Street, Goldsboro, NC (2026)

08/10/2023

Coming to this realization a few years ago transformed my life. It may have even literally saved my life.

When the first person told me this, I did not want to accept it as being truth because it seemed to be excusing the hurtful behavior that someone had enacted towards me and the effects that it had on me.

At that time, I also did not understand boundaries. I did not understand that even though I had done nothing to deserve their hurtful behavior towards me, the effects it caused were now fully my responsibility. It was my responsibility to get healing of the wounds they had inflicted so that I was not living in pain.

Hurting people hurt other people. In not accepting this to be truth, I was excusing my hurtful behavior by blaming the person who had hurt me. The old, “if they had not hurt me then I wouldn’t be hurting others” mentality.

I didn’t want to be the hurting person that in turn hurt others. So, I did the hard work of getting healing for the wounds of my heart and soul. The wounds that spoke into me that I was not lovable, not acceptable, not worthy. Some of those wounds I had carried since childhood.

05/30/2023

Sometimes situations or circumstances prevent us from doing our usual daily self-care. As much as the pups love to go outside to walk and explore, they detest getting rained on, so we have not been able to go for our walks for several days.

Daily self-care is important, so what do you do when interruptions come your way? You improvise. Understanding exactly what these walks do for me and the pups made it easier to come up with things that would benefit us in the same ways.

Moving our bodies as well as getting outside and enjoying nature and sunshine causes a chemical reaction within our bodies. Walking and sniffing stuff causes a chemical reaction in doggies. These chemicals that are released destress us which reduces anxiety and brings happiness and peace of mind.

There are other things that cause this same chemical reaction, things that can be done indoors, so on the rainy days that kept us indoors we increased the time that we did these. Extra skin-to-skin contact through puppy massages. Extra cuddling. Extra alpha wave meditative music played. Extra time practicing compassion and gratitude. Extra dancing.

05/27/2023

It is easier for our bodies to burn sugar than to burn fat, and our bodies are hardwired to take the easiest route. So, if we supply our body sugar, it will automatically choose to burn the sugar and will not burn fat.

Carbohydrates turn into sugar once they enter our bodies. So, when thinking about eliminating sugar so that your body will burn the fat stored in your body, don’t only think about sugar.

Because sugar burns quickly, it gives a burst of energy (sugar rush), but once the sugar is burned, our energy level drops quickly. Fat burns much slower, so it provides energy over a longer period of time.

When trying to get more healthy and making healthy a lifestyle, making one small change at a time and not going all gung-ho gives us a better chance of succeeding.

Something to consider. Instead of going cold-turkey with sugar, which can be a shock to your system and cause it stress, start by decreasing it. instead of eliminating a certain food group, make healthier choices within that food group.

A good example is bagels. Bagels contain as many carbohydrates as 6 slices of bread and 4 to 6 bowls of cereal. So if bagels are a part of your diet, instead of cutting out all bread, switch from bagels to 1 or 2 slices of bread. Butter is a fat, so don’t be afraid to butter that bread.

05/25/2023

Back on track to becoming the best version of myself.

A couple of years ago I learned some things that would make me a healthier person. I implemented some of them and experienced some positive results, however after some time they fizzled out.

Part of the Certified Life Coaching course that I am taking is how to make changes that last. Check out previous post about habits. Today I am adding back one of the things I previously did, an herbal tea blend.

I also learned that our brains are hardwired to choose the easiest way to do things and so when it comes to making new habits, make it easy. One way to make it easier is to incorporate your new habit into a part of your established daily routine.

So, I as soon as I had finished brewing my morning coffee, I used the hot water setting on my Keurig and my small thermos to brew the herbal tea so that it could steep while the doggies and I were out for our morning walk. The thermos is perfect for this because it keeps the water nice and hot while the tea bags steep.

Once we got back from our walk, I poured the tea into the pitcher, added cold water and put it in the fridge to chill. So quick and easy.

Share in comments what are you doing to become the best version of yourself. If we can help you on that journey, we would love to come alongside you.

05/15/2023

I believe that the perception that being a good wife and mother means being selfless, which has been passed down generation to generation for oh so many years, ranks high in the most destructive stereotypes.

Why? Because it speaks to a woman that she must surrender her own well-being for the sake of the ones she loves most.

Break down the word. Root: self Suffix: less. So, selfless means, myself is less than.

A person who believes themself to be less than, is not an emotionally nor mentally healthy person. An emotionally and mentally unhealthy person cannot properly care for and nourish others.

What makes this stereotype about mothers so destructive, is that a parent is the most influential role model to their children.

So, a mother who lives a life of selflessness is passing on to her daughters and sons that a woman’s well-being is not as important as a man’s, that a woman’s value is found in her surrendering her well-being. Her children will carry that with them into their relationships, not only their personal relationships, but all of their relationships.

In healthy relationships, everyone makes sacrifices for the good of others. No one person is expected to sacrifice more than another. No one is expected to sacrifice, and most certainly not to surrender their own well-being.

Whoever you are, we would love to come alongside and help you discover the incredible being that is you and equip you with tools to practice great self-care.

05/13/2023

Day 2 of my new Morning Bliss routine.

In my Creating New Habits post, I shared that the new habit that I am creating in my life in order to move me towards becoming a healthier version of me is what I have termed a Morning Bliss routine.

I chose to habit stack. 1. Get up and start my day earlier each morning. 2. Don’t immediately look at my phone after getting up, but wait until later in the morning. 3. Tweak my morning coffee to make it more healthy. 3. Get moving instead of settling into my recliner to catch up on emails, text, and social media while sipping my coffee. 4. Don’t play the games on my phone and iPad until later in the day. Use them as rewards for having accomplished the new healthy habits.

For my 3rd habit, get moving, I chose things that would cause my body to release oxytocin, the feel good happy hormone that counteracts the negative effects of cortisol, the stress hormone.

The oxytocin releasing things that I chose to include in my Morning Bliss routine are:

1) Move my body by walking. It doesn’t have to be crazy movement. A leisurely stroll can be much more beneficial than a fast paced walk, especially if you are someone like me that has knee, ankle and foot issues, because fast walking causes more stress to you lower joints. I save my cardio work for other times, for example, during line dancing classes that I started this week or dancing at Center Street Jams.

2) Enjoying time with my two fur babies that is also helping them to become healthier versions of themselves. A win/win/win. 🐶👧🏻🐶

3) Getting outside and enjoying nature. It helps that I live 17’ from water and just a few feet further from a part of the North Carolina Trail System. That’s right. All of these pics were taken right out back of our home!

4) Exposure to sunlight.

5) Doing regimented breathing exercises while we walk.

6) Consciously practicing gratefulness by speaking out loud the things that I am thankful for in my life.

Speaking of deep breathing and practicing gratefulness, my TOP 3 THINGS that ANYONE can do and are COST FREE that will TRANSFORM your Life are:

Deep Breathing Exercises
Meditation
Practicing Gratefulness

05/13/2023

I am on a mission to be become a healthy version of myself. Part of this journey is designing a new morning routine, what I call Morning Bliss, and making it a habit.

If you would like to come along on my Morning Bliss journey, be sure to follow our page so that you don’t miss a post.

Tips for Creating Habits That Stick

1) Assess old habits and determine which ones are and are not serving you well.

2) If a habit is not serving you well, don’t look at it as you need to stop that habit (lack mindset), but that you have the opportunity to replace it with a habit that does serve you well (abundance mindset). Mindset matters.

3) Our brains naturally look for the quickest and easiest way to do something, so look for old habits that can be tweaked to make them serve you better.

For example, I am a morning coffee person. In order to make my morning coffee habit serve me better, I am changing my sweetener to a healthier choice and am adding butter and micronutrients.

4) It is important to not overwhelm yourself by trying to create too mamy new habits all at once. Keep in mind that slow and steady wins the race. However, you can stack habits (create more than one habit at a time) to satisfy that desire of your brain and move your life transformation along faster. This is best done by finding habits that naturally go together and can be done simultaneously.

For example, I wanted to create habits that cause my body to release oxytocin, the feel good happy hormone that counteracts cortisol, the stress hormone. I looked at the list of 50 things that I have compiled that cause my body to release oxytocin and selected 5 that can be done simultaneously.

I did this a couple of years ago to test to see if this really works. I am a bit of a “I don’t believe it until I experience it for myself” type person. Two miraculous things happened. First, I dropped 34 pounds in less than 2 months and second, my blood pressure regulated to a healthy level and I was able to come off of the 4 BP meds that I had been taking for 18 years. This second one saved me tons of money and I no longer suffered the side effects of some of these drugs.

The problem was, I didn’t stay consistent to doing this new routine because at that time I did not know the formula for creating habits. And so some of the weight came back on and there are times when my BP slides back up.

Having had the experience that these things work well for me, they are what my new Morning Bliss routine are comprised of. And now having the creating habits formula, I am confident that this time it will become a life-long change and not a short term one.

Would you like to learn the creating new habits formula so that you can create the life that you have dreamed of? I would love to share it with you.

This can be done one on one, or you can gather together a small group in order to make it more affordable. It can be done in person, or through video chat.

Reach out to us to learn more.

05/13/2023

Since coming to know what codependency is and that it does not come from Love, but comes from fear, I have become much better at loving on people.

When someone comes to me, whether it be in my personal life or through my Life Coaching business and asks me to help them, my response is,

“I would love to help you, but can only do that if you are ready to help yourself. If you are not yet ready to help yourself, the only help that I can give you is to hold safe space for you until you are ready and if you are receptive to it, help you work towards being ready to help yourself.”

This is called meeting and accepting someone for who they are right where they are and loving on them in a way that they can receive.

Sometimes someone is in great pain and their pain is spewing all over others. This is why healthy boundaries are so important. For these people, accepting and loving on them right where they are often means that I must love them from a distance.

Depending on the level of destruction their pain is causing, I may have to move them to an outer circle and have no contact, or I may have to allow limited contact.

This is a part of self-care. It is important that I not neglect loving on myself while I am loving on others.

04/17/2023

Another design creation I did during my sabbatical. This one was a redesign of a bridesmaid’s dress.

Over the years I have worked with Jenna, as well as he sister Landry, on quite a few creations for pageants. I so enjoyed working with both of these young ladies.

So, when Jenna messaged me about doing a redesign of a bridesmaid’s dress for her to wear in a friend’s wedding, I immediately said “Yes!” It was an added bonus that I love to do redesigns, maybe even more so than designing from scratch and that Jenna is a creative designer herself.

Each bridesmaid was allowed to choose their own dress design from David's Bridal, the only requirements from the bride being that it had to be in the cinnamon color she had chosen and no two bridesmaids could wear the same design.

Jenna wanted a dress that she could wear for another event so that it wasn’t the proverbial wear it once and then it hang in the closet for years and then be donated to a thrift store when she was tired of it taking up closet space.

She sent me a sketch of a design idea she had, we chose the dress design from David’s that would be a good base to work from, and also ordered a slip dress in the same fabric because this was much quicker to get in than ordering fabric yardage.

Once we had the dresses, Jenna came over, I shared an idea that I had which would allow the dress to transition into several different looks, and we began to play with design ideas.

We needed some fabric to line the wrap with, so of course made a trip to the local JOANN Fabric and Craft Stores where we found a fabric that was almost the exact color of the dress fabric (since it was to be used for lining it didn’t matter that it was just a shade darker) and was the perfect weight to hold the the pleats and the shape of the wrap.

We both love how it turned out and apparently others did too, because at the wedding she received many complements. One young lady even asked to buy it from her!

The picture shows how she wore it in the wedding. I made the two pieces we added removable so that for a future events she could wear it as a strapless dress, or choose to not wear the wrap that goes under the left side and over the right arm for a one-shouldered dress look.

For those of you who like to see the whole redesign process, I included pics of the sketches we did along the way.

04/16/2023

While on sabbatical to work on getting my Life Coach certification, I have not totally walked away from doing fashion design. Coming alongside Miriah and Logan to make their prom extra special was such a delight and I wanted to share with you how fabulous this couple makes my work look.

Miriah came to me with an idea of what she wanted for her prom dress. We went fabric shopping together and though the basic design remained the same as did her wanting a sequin dress, the color changed from emerald green to rose gold when she saw this gorgeous sequin at our local JOANN Fabric and Craft Stores. We found a coordinating sparkly fabric to use to trim and adorn the bodice front, for the straps, and to line the skirt.

Logan decided that he wanted a vest and bow tie to perfectly match her dress. He choose a double-breasted vest design with the front of the vest made of the same sparkly fabric we used on Miriah’s dress and the back, covered buttons and bow tie made from a coordinating satin.

They both received so many complements and everyone wanted to know which store they found their attire, especially Logan’s vest, because it was so different from anything they had seen while shopping. That is the beautiy of custom design. You don’t have to worry about someone else showing up in the same outfit and you stand out in a crowd.

I will let the pictures speak for themself as to how it all turned out.

01/15/2023

Honest self-introspection is imperative to experiencing healing.

We are not born with the tools and skills needed to do honest self-introspection.

If we are living with unhealed wounds of the soul (emotional and mental), then we are living in survival mode, at least in some areas, but most likely in every area of our lives.

When someone is living in self-defense mode., most often they suffer from both offensive personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

Hurting people hurt other people, so not only do we suffering due to our unhealed wounds, but so do the people in our lives.

We turn around and wound others in the same way that they we wounded. This is how generational curses work.

Sometimes it is hard to identify that it is the same wounding, because depending on each person’s personality, it may display differently in their behavior.

Some may verbally strike out (fight response), while others may walk away and refuse to discuss. Or they stay, but give the silent treatment (flight response). Both are trauma responses. Both are destructive to the individual and thus their relationships.

This is why it is so important to get to know yourself, to identify the root cause of why you are the way you are and do the things you do the way you do.

I was amazed at the difference working through the soul wounds that I had been carrying around since childhood and experiencing healing of them and learning how to do honest self-introspection made in my life.

This is why I went through training to become a Relationship Coach, Mentor and Facilitator.

A relationship is only as healthy as the least healthy one in it.

My heart’s desire became to help others develop a healthy relationship with themselves so that they have hope for healthy relationship with the ones they love.

We do not heal living in darkness. If we want to heal, we must be willing to shine a light into the recesses of our soul. It is more easily done when we have a trusted someone to help us hold the light.

We would love to not only help you hold the light, but to equip you with necessary tools and teach you how to use them.

Design by Design

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