12/15/2023
This post from 2021 came up in my memories this morning….this is when the tides started shifting in my heart & in my walk with Him! ❤️ What had become in one season would be filtered out in the next….and as I read my own words from 3 years ago…I am so grateful that I followed HIM!!! 🙌🏽
Present day, we are going out of business and will transform our She Shed into my prayer & writing ✍🏽 room. I still believe God will never be pleased with the Hustle and I have submitted my striving to resting in Him…& as He told me specifically in this sane season: “You will accomplish more “DOING” less.” Oh how he has proven this to be TRUTH!!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽
3 years sounds like a long time…but looking back …it was like a v***r!
⬇️⬇️⬇️ My post from 2021 ….the beginning of the shift:
I woke up with this verse on my heart this morning. 🙏🏽☀️
Psalm 51:17
My [only] sacrifice [acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart [broken with sorrow for sin, thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.
I remember my Pastor telling me to always stay broken before the Lord.
He didn’t mean broken in the sense of constant pain but tender, responsive and humble.
I held on to that. ❤️
I have been walking through a season of great crushing and great JOY. Some days I feel like I’ve been left in the wilderness and not LED there.
The Lord has taken me on a “tour” of my heart. I can tell you with all honesty, it hasn’t been pretty.
Each place we come to that is hurt, disappointed or full of pride He gently whispers “Let Me have it.”
Several times I have said NO.
Have you ever told God NO? 🧐
Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things.
The common phrase “Follow your heart” is NOT wise advice and will lead you to great pain!
Eventually, I asked the Lord to go BACK to the places I told Him NO….and I’ve given them over.
Places of great sorrow, disappointment and places that I had placed ABOVE Him.
ANYTHING or ANYONE we place before God is an IDOL. 😒
I have surrendered to a lifestyle of fasting and prayer in this season. This is a RE-commitment.
You see, when our son was killed in 2010, I was FASTING. I frequently fasted in that season before his death.
Fast forward to 2021.
The Lord asked me to join Him again in fasting. Something inside me yelled “ NO! “
Don’t misunderstand. I had “fasted” since 2010.
You know:
The Church Corporate Fast
The occasional Daniel fast
But my heart was never in it. 💔
In August this year we circled back around to that same spot in my heart. This time I brought it up. “Lord, I miss fasting with You. I miss our special time together when I would fast. Help me do it again!”
Don’t you KNOW He said YES!! 🙌🏽
A few things He has revealed to me in this season:
🙌🏽 Hands OFF! He doesn’t need my help. He loves doing things WITH me but He does not need my help.
🙌🏽 I have learned to trust Him as my Father, my Protector, my Deliverer and Savior. But I have not trusted Him as my PROVIDER.
I began working at 13 and have always FOUND a way to make ends meet. I was a SURVIVOR and I’m a hard worker. I have always had to take care of myself.
The Lord began to reveal to me that I HAVE made it work my whole life. I HAVE done whatever it takes to make ends meet.
I am no stranger to STRIVING.
And while the world may see that as strong, resourceful and even responsible. He sees it as INDEPENDENT.
Independent is SEPERATE from God and hustling isn’t Holy. 😭💔
It got worse before it got better because the Lord had to skim some things off the top. He exposed the impurities and the pride of self preservation. He asked for my INDEPENDENCE. 💪🏼💥
5 months later I can tell you that the sweet place I have discovered IN HIM… that I THOUGHT I knew…has been FILLED with peace. HIS peace and His presence. There is NOTHING I love more than His presence and there is NOTHING more valuable than His peace.
So, when you don’t see me “WORKING, WORKING, WORKING or POSTING, POSTING, POSTING” just know I’m seeking Him first and believing all “other” things that He sees fit for my life will be added to me. 😉
I do NOT agree with “it takes some sleepless nights to achieve your dreams” and I do not believe those who teach that are wise.
Forgive me if I hurt your feelings but let’s see what God has to say about the matter:
Psalm 127:2
It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.
I am choosing to accept His gift of rest ❤️
I still work hard. 💪🏼 ( those who don’t work don’t eat 😉)
I work even harder to seek Him above ALL things. ❤️🙌🏽
I have found more peace than ever in my walk with Him. 🙏🏽
I’m keeping my heart broken before Him. Open and willing to surrender at the next crossroad on the tour of this deceitful heart of mine. ❤️
It is my sacrifice unto Him and it is a sacrifice He does not despise! 🙌🏽
Psalm 51:17
AMP - My [only] sacrifice [acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart [broken with sorrow for sin, thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.
MSG - Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice.
TPT - The fountain of your pleasure is found in the sacrifice of my shattered heart before you. You will not despise my tenderness as I humbly bow down at your feet.
