01/02/2021
Its 2021 and I don't know about anyone else but i feel unaccomplished and small. I feel unworthy and predictable. I read a status from my pastor about gratitude this morning that I thought was nice, but I didn't really see the power in her words until writting this.
Today I choose to accept a few things in my life. The most important today is the fact that my parents werent everything. I wanted them to be, but they gave me everything they had. They cried tears I will never see. Cancelled dreams I never knew existed and most importantly, to me, lived a life they didn't have to.
My mom wasn't the communicator I wanted her to be, but by watching her I learned to use my resources. I learned that as a black woman in America, I will be counted out and at the same damn time counted on! I learned that my strength isn't between my legs but between my ears. You were 15 when you found out about me and YOU LET ME LIVE! Momma, Rhonda Sargent I know it wasn't easy for you and I know some days you probably wanted to give up, but your strength hasn't gone unnoticed. At almost 30, I can only hope to be a percentage of the woman you are. If I haven't ever told you before you are phenomenal. You are a super woman and I promise to give you more flowers while your still with me! I love you!
From my father I have learned a lot about who I am and who I can be. The spirit I have inherited from you can be my down fall or it can be the wind in my sails. Daddy, Orlando Allen Sr. I'm grateful to you for always wanting to being the super hero in my story. I know you don't always go about it the right way I want but the fact that you never forget me is enough. I finally understand what "We can NEVER leave each other" really means. It doesn't mean you will be perfect or I will always be the o e you choose, but that no matter the situation we are family so fix it and move on. I didn't know until now that I really get my diplomatic ways from you. We love hard and sometimes thats our worst characteristic. Our love for others can actually turn us into vicious creatures and the love disappears. I'm sorry for not growing with my time. I just wanted to be your baby forever.
So today I refuse to allow what I don't have to hold me back anymore. I refuse to allow circumstance and struggle to be my final bow. I choose to recognize that the spirit that lives inside of me is the same spirit. That pushed Rosa Parks to stay on that bus and Carl Brashear to continue diving in the US Navy with only one leg. I choose to believe in myself. I choose to believe that the things that I have seen as different are actually the things that make me great.
I choose today to love myself better than I've ever expected anybody else to. I choose today, to stop holding myself back
And be the woman, mother, and entrepreneur I've always known I can be.
A wise woman once told me to stop living parallel to who I really am and to COMMIT! Thank you, Darneshia Bell! It took me some time to fully understand what you meant, but better late than never.
To anybody else second-guessing themselves, or blaming outside influences for your position in life, STOP IT! If your waiting for a sign to move or to take action. THIS IS IT! Be the person that you see when you day dream about better days. All it takes is a change of mind. Romans 12:2 states, Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For those of you reading this who don't feel God's pull just yet, think of your idol and understand that their success didn't just happen. Those people had to first THINK they could succeed IN THEIR MIND and execute a plan to get there. So understand whether you agree with God or not he already wrote the blueprint. Whats the most mind blowing is that everything about God and his grace is simple and common sense. If you really want to see change test God like Romans says. In Hebrews 4:16 we can see that God invites questions and tests. It states, Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. By questioning him we acknowledge his presence and sovereignty.
Be blessed in 2021, I will be because now I believe it!
If you made it to the end of this talk to me. What do you think? Post a prayer for me in the comments and I will do the same for you. This life aint easy on any of us but together we can make it thru.
