08/21/2024
I still canât fully describe the emotions I felt when I first found out about you. Becoming a mom has been the most challenging thing Iâve ever gone through. I wasnât ready, but I wanted you so much. I felt guilty for not reacting the way I thought I should. It was the day after I lost my job when I looked at that pregnancy test and panicked. I was alone, and everything felt so different from what I had always imagined.
The next nine months were some of the toughest of my life, filled with unending nausea and the physical pains that seemed to never stop. I was trying to start a new business, something I created with you in mind, and those early days, not knowing if you were a boy or a girl, were filled with excitement. I couldnât wait to buy you clothes and give you the world. I wanted you to be the coolest baby, but I struggled to even get out of bed. That brought on a deep sadness. Even though you were moving inside me all day long (yes, weâve got a kicker), I felt so alone.
But you, my little Bluebird, kept giving me a reason to wake up each morning. I no longer care about how much my body has changed, who I was before you, or when I last slept through the night.
To the moms whoâve read this far, know that you can do this too. Whether youâre a first-time mom, feeling overwhelmed, or a mom adding another child to your family and trying to make sense of all these changes, you can do it. Iâm proud of us. We give up so muchâour identity, our bodies, our focus, our sleep, our entire livesâfrom the moment that test says âpositive.â For those tiny humans, we are their everything. It might sound more beautiful than it actually feels, but I hope you find moments of joy in every step of this journey and remember that youâre not alone.