Jackass Charm

02/01/2022

OK, it’s been a while since I’ve let anybody know what’s going on here in my tiny little bubble. So here it goes - not even a year after the first time the store flooded and it flooded again on January 5. My brain has shut down, my spirit is broken, and I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I’m standing here in the store looking at the carnage thinking “what the f**k.” I kind of want to throw in the towel, just call it quits and be done, but there is a teeny tiny piece of me that says it’s fun during the summer; it’s your personal watering hole and hidden corner of giggles. What the f**k?

They say s**t happens to catapult you into better times. I really want to believe that, yet, I don’t know what to do. I’ve always had a plan, except for now. I’m just frozen with anxiety. What the f**k?

12/10/2021

F**k. I chose to focus on the “Get My F**king House Back” project in late September. As all projects do snowball, this one avalanched. Something has to give if I am going to restore balance and get a functional kitchen for me to continue to work out of. Unfortunately, it has been the store that has been put on the back burner. I really wish I could do it all, but I can’t. The shop is here for you via www.Jackasscharm.com. If an item will not allow you to add it to the cart it means I need to make it. If this is the case, shoot me a text, 815.333.6901, with your demands and I’ll let you know if I can get’er done for you. I sincerely appreciate all your support and patience during such a desperately needed change in our home. The only way I can describe this remodel is as a healing process from the touch of our child’s childhood trauma, the su***de of a loved one, and mourning the loss of a lifelong dream. Yes, my family is ready to heal and it’s time!!!

Smooches!!!!

Home Goods & Gifts For Snarky, Sarcastic, Or Inappropriate Folks. Including charmingly all-natural handmade soap loaded with innuendos that cleanse the body whilst soiling the mind, classy trashy items to decorate the home, and items for the alcohol lover!

11/06/2021

So, as some of you may know my work ethics have been waining these past few months…and for a very good reason. While I love to joke it’s because I’d rather be drinking on my couch (which isn’t untrue), but the real reason is I’ve been plotting the get-my-f**king-house-back scheme.

You see it all started December 29, 2019 when Mr Yummypants closed his bicycle shop in Schaumburg. It was his life’s dream to own one, but as s**t does hit the fan, the shop closed and it’s contents, including 3 cash wraps, was moved to our house. For almost 2 years we’ve been living like a bad episode of Hoarders. This past September I put my plan into action with the installation of some very bougie wallpaper and a horrible drawing of my “dream Kitchen”. While my original goal was just to get all the bike stuff out of the house, the powers-that-be took ahold of the wheel! I now find myself in the throes of a full f**king kitchen remodel. While it’s super exciting, it’s also time consuming since we are doing it ourselves.

The timing couldn’t be worse; I know. Right before the holidays is a super insane time to be in this process. With that said, I don’t have a kitchen to work out of to make my products, however, did you know that during the first year of COVID I worked diligently to get everything online for super easy shopping? Yes, yes I did..

I’ve put myself in a pickle for sure. But, it’s temporary. Please be patient with me, I know it’s a lot to ask. I highly recommend perusing the website and getting your Jackass fix that way for now, but what if you’d rather visit the store? I don’t blame you! That remodel turned out great and it truly is a delightful little We**ie. Easy peasy, just give me a call! So what if I’m covered in paint or drywall s**t. I’ll be there for you.

09/26/2021

You won’t find me at the store today. You’ll find me playing with my ass at Lazy K Ranch for the McHenry County Farm Stroll. 18209 Collins Rd.

09/24/2021

Today I initiated phase one of the “dining room take back” plan. Seriously, that needs a way cooler name. Since I dedicated my entire day to phase one (aka wallpapering with some very-extra s**t), my family has now told me they will die if I don’t provide nourishment. Do I not cook dinner and go to work or do I drink my dinner whilst cooking for them? Oh, here’s the outcome of phase one. (I f**king blinged out the dining room/ temporary gym) Gym’s gotta go! I want my house back.

09/18/2021

I cannot stop laughing.

This was just delivered by , aka Kim Kachlic. I had one customer in the store. He was an awkward young man. I had my photo booth set up to get ready to start shooting for the new website additions. THIS was the first glass I pulled. I literally lol'ed. He asked what was so funny. Like an idiot, I showed him. He then proceeded to say, "I've never had a M**F, if you're game I'm game."

I cannot stop laughing.

09/18/2021

You’ll never guess what I’m doing today. I’m actually at work…working!!!! Did hell freeze over?

09/02/2021

We will be closed this weekend, 9/2-9/5, because we are going on a bourbon adventure (masked of course). See youz next weekend!

08/29/2021

The moment we moved to Woodstock, 16 years ago, I’ve always felt at home. The community is beyond amazing and now this?!!!! I f**king love this place! Congratulations Woodstock!

08/22/2021

I've been talking about this for ages. Well, here you go. A club for potty-mouthed adults! I can't wait for our first meeting!!!!

A private, member-only club. To be a member you must agree not to abide by any of the above mentioned bulls**ttery and stuffy rules except numbers 2, 5, and 6. You know you want to be a member! Simply fill out this inquiry to request a UBS membership application.

08/12/2021

Maybe now they will close the lid! I swear Moose is determined to use all her 9 lives.

08/05/2021

Share valuable life lessons with your family and guests to help make the world a better place while protecting your table. These resin-coated ceramic coasters feature four separate hand-drawn lessons and are backed with cork.

So, you'd like to customize? WE CAN DO THAT!