15/09/2026
6 THINGS YOU MUST UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHITE OR CHURCH WEDDINGS
IS A WHITE/CHURCH WEDDING A MUST? LET’S TALK ABOUT WHAT TRULY MATTERS IN MARRIAGE
© Samuel Olagbenjo
Some years ago, a young couple came to my counselling office in tears.
They loved each other deeply. They had completed their traditional marriage rites and had begun building their home together peacefully.
But then the pressure started.
Some of the wife’s friends kept telling her:
“Until you wear a white gown in church, you are not truly married before God.”
Gradually, she began to feel guilty and incomplete.
Her husband became frustrated because he felt their commitment and the marriage they had already established were being treated as if they meant nothing.
What started as a peaceful marriage was beginning to suffer because of opinions and misconceptions.
So, let’s talk about this carefully.
1. ✅A WHITE WEDDING IS NOT A REQUIREMENT FOR A VALID CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
The Bible does not command Christians to wear a white wedding gown or hold a wedding ceremony inside a church.
The Bible records marriages and weddings, but it does not prescribe the modern format of a white wedding.
Even the wedding at Cana in John 2:1–11 was a wedding celebration attended by Jesus, but Scripture does not present Jesus as the officiating minister.
The important lesson is this:
Do not make a particular wedding format a condition for God’s approval when Scripture itself does not make it one.
2. ✅DON'T CONFUSE CULTURE, CHURCH PRACTICE AND SCRIPTURE
This is where many couples become confused.
Traditional marriage rites, civil registration and church wedding ceremonies can all have their legitimate purposes, but they should not automatically be presented as if they are the same thing.
Marriage customs differ from culture to culture.
Churches also have different procedures and requirements.
But the Bible gives us principles such as covenant, faithfulness, s£xual purity, love, commitment, responsibility and leaving and cleaving.
Wisdom requires us to distinguish biblical principles from cultural or denominational practices.
3. A WEDDING IS AN EVENT; MARRIAGE IS A LIFELONG RESPONSIBILITY
Some couples spend months planning the wedding but spend very little time preparing for the marriage.
They plan the decoration.
They plan the aso-ebi.
They plan the reception.
They rehearse the dance.
But they never seriously discuss:
Money.
Children.
In-laws.
Communication.
Conflict.
Faith.
Career.
$£xual expectations.
Family responsibilities.
A beautiful wedding can last one day.
Marriage requires you to show up every day.
Don't spend all your energy preparing for the ceremony and neglect preparing for the life that follows it.
4. ✅A CHURCH WEDDING DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MAKE A MARRIAGE SUCCESSFUL
You can have a beautiful wedding in a cathedral.
You can have respected ministers around you.
You can pray intensely before the ceremony.
You can have thousands of people celebrate with you.
But none of these things automatically gives you a successful marriage.
After the wedding, you still have to learn how to forgive.
You still have to communicate.
You still have to manage money.
You still have to resolve conflicts.
You still have to remain faithful.
You still have to grow together.
Marriage succeeds through intentional commitment, not ceremony alone.
5. ✅PREMARITAL PREPARATION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WEDDING PREPARATION
Before you spend millions on the wedding, invest time in preparing yourselves for marriage.
Read good books.
Attend quality premarital counselling.
Discuss your expectations honestly.
Talk about finances.
Discuss children and parenting.
Discuss faith and values.
Learn conflict resolution.
Talk about boundaries with extended family.
Understand each other’s vision and responsibilities.
Ask yourself:
“Am I preparing to have a beautiful wedding, or am I preparing to build a healthy marriage?”
There is nothing wrong with having a beautiful wedding.
But presentation must never become more important than preparation.
6. ✅IF YOU CHOOSE A WHITE OR CHURCH WEDDING, LET IT BE A MEANINGFUL CHOICE—NOT FEAR
If you desire a white or church wedding, by all means, celebrate your marriage.
Invite your family and friends.
Give God thanks.
Receive prayers and blessings according to your church tradition.
Enjoy the celebration.
But don't allow people to convince you that the gown, decoration, venue or size of the ceremony is what makes your marriage acceptable to God.
At the same time, couples should understand that legal marriage requirements and church requirements are separate questions from personal preference. Where applicable, comply with the law and seek guidance from your church concerning its own marriage procedures.
FINAL THOUGHT
Let's stop measuring the strength of a marriage by the beauty of its wedding ceremony.
A ₦10 million wedding does not guarantee a ₦10 million marriage.
A simple wedding does not mean a simple marriage.
And a grand church wedding does not automatically produce a godly home.
The wedding is the celebration.
The marriage is the assignment.
Prepare for the assignment.
Learn how to love.
Learn how to communicate.
Learn how to forgive.
Learn how to serve.
Learn how to manage money.
Learn how to resolve conflict.
Learn how to grow together.
Because after the music stops, the guests leave, the decorations come down and the photographs are taken, the two of you will still have a marriage to build.
May God give every intending couple wisdom to prepare well and grace to build a peaceful, faithful and fruitful marriage.
Please share this with someone who needs to hear it.
What do you think is more important: a beautiful wedding ceremony or serious preparation for marriage?
